I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
