he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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