Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.

Fav 5 926 1550
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(517): View more from Michigan

careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus

Fav 23 3240 880
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(801): View more from Utah

i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.

Fav 24 4275 1065
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?

Fav 27 1387 5382
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(917): View more from New York City

just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.

Fav 23 6596 967
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(316): View more from Kansas

Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.

Fav 12 2912 974
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(614): View more from Ohio

You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.

Fav 8 2351 995
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.

Fav 0 931 526
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(585): View more from New York

There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?

Fav 1 304 154
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