adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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