If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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