What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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