he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
