dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
