So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
