I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
