Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
