whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
