...so i touched it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
