I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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