i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
