I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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