Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I need water and some morals
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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