honey bunches of taint.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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