My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
