You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i would punch a child for taco bell
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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