yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
