I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
40s are totally the cure
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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