I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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