I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
