You smell like stripper and shame
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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