dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish you could order shots online.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
