I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
