Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
