Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
