And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
