She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
