it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
