I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
