We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
