Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize