Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
