Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
