so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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