Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
