i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
