this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is classic penis vs brain.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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