Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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