I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this boner is exhausting
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I did not marry a roomba.
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