my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize