went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
