My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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