I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
