considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
