Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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