The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
