you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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