there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
