i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
do nipples grow back?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
