I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
