My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
