I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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