I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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