He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just pee around me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
