Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
