So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I see more hoeing in ur future
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