you guys were way drunker than both of me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
