I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
