He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
