Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
