he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
