i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
