Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i will never coherently bang her
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
